The Chronicles of Vienna's Hair: Volume VII

Since my darling angel entered the world, people from all over have loved giving her presents.

Most all of these presents have had one thing in common.

There's always bows somewhere in the mix.

So eight months into this child's existence, she owns about 157 bows, all bursting out of a small jewelry box in her room.

On Christmas she, of course, received more.

That evening, Vienna and I were in her room, she was playing, and I was putting her christmas gifts away. As I added to her plethora of hair accessories..I found myself starting to feel... loopy, even a bit unhinged, from such a concentration of pastel colors.

Mindlessly, I began to place the bows, one by one, in my daughters hair.

I couldn't stop myself.

I had gone mad.

I had gone...BOWNANAS!

~~~~~~~~

Since this incident, I've recovered.

And Luke has hidden our daughters' jewelry box from me.

Family Pictures 2011

Back in October, we had some family pictures done, a couple of which we used on our christmas card this year. Brittany Kuenne, of Kuenne Photography (who I first wrote about here), was in town and was amazingly kind enough to take some pics of us even though she was very pregnant at the time.

Vienna was a big, fat Crabby Patty that day, so my expectations of the results were pretty low. Needless to say, I was shocked to find out that Brittany had actually been able to snap a few that didn't capture my sweet, little angel screaming at the top of her lungs.

And here they are...

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

Merry Christmas!

The Chronicles of Vienna's Hair: Volume VI

These are the facts and they are undisputed.

There is a Girl.

She has fabulous hair.

She loves her accessories.

And she eats ...everything.

She really isn't picky.

She devours everything from her butt cream..

..to her bath towel.

This woman is on a rampage.

Just look at that maniacal expression.

It says it all.

Even objects that are seemingly beyond her strength and grasping capabilities...

..she manages to make her victim.

And did I mention her signature ensemble?

Some wear capes, some masks...

..She wears nothing but a diaper.

And a pink bow.

But don't let that fool you.

Because you might just be next.

Tickles and Giggles.

The Necklace

On our wedding night, I gave my new smokin' hot husband a gift.

...Well actually a couple of gifts.. but for the sake of discretion, being ladylike, and serious case of T.M.I., I won't go into detail regarding the other gift.

Mind your own flippin' business.

Anywho! Luke had this necklace that he wore all the time, just a cross on a clasp-less chain. Well a week before our wedding, I dressed in all black, painted my face dark, snuck into his apartment while he was sleeping, managed to stealthily maneuver it off of his neck, and left without him ever knowing!

The End.

Just kidding. Thats SUPER creepy.

(Gentlemen, make a note to not marry anyone who does this. I don't care how hot she is. That's just sketch.)

Ok, so I did stealthily get a hold of his necklace, without him knowing my intentions for it yet, it just wasn't as freaky/ninja-like as that.

Once I had the necklace, I took it to a jeweler and had him weld my purity ring onto the chain. I had worn my ring faithfully for five years and it was finally time to present it to its' rightful owner.

I gave his necklace, with it's new addition on it, back to him on our wedding night.

He cherishes it and still wears it all the time.

Well now someone else has a serious appreciation for it as well...

I'm sure she'll love hearing the story of daddys' necklace years from now(the non-creepy version), but until then, she is thoroughly enjoying the unusually small chew toy that hangs around the neck of the main man in her life.

I Like You.

Thankfulness and Stuff.

I have this Husband.

He's smokin' hot. And loves Jesus. And makes beer. And happily changes diapers, without complaint. And loves me even when I'm a big, fat grouch. I don't deserve him, or our life together.

For him, I'm constantly thankful.

I have this Daughter.

She's beautiful. And happy. And she sleeps 10 hours at night. And poops 157 times a day. And has great hair. I don't know how or why God let a wretch like me responsible for something so perfect.

For her, I'm constantly thankful.

I have this King.

He's holy. And blameless. And true. He bled, and in return, I am wicked.

And if there's anything I don't deserve, this is it.

Without him, there's nothing to be thankful for.

I'm also, in this moment, thankful for pumpkin pie.

And wine.

And my ever-faithful dishwasher.

Amen.

Midwestern Happiness: Creamy, Dreamy Mashed Potatoes

Once upon a time, there was a smokin' hot bachelor. He had not yet slain dragons for the bride who would lovingly cook for him every night, so he had to fend for himself. And having the midwestern roots that he did, mashed potatoes were always on the menu. Sometimes that's all that was on the menu. He would buy five pounds of spuds, boil them, add some milk and butter, mash them, and that was his dinner. And he loved it.

Then one day, his bride did come along. She loved her new smokin' hot husband very much, but was quite unfamiliar with, even wary of, midwestern cooking. Why did cream of mushroom soup exist? And where was all the wine? She soon realized that if she wanted to make her marriage work, she was going to have to come to terms with mashed potatoes. She was going to conquer these bland, dry beasts, as her beloved had slain dragons for her. So she made mashed potatoes over and over and over again, trying different ingredients every time, slaving away to come up with the perfect recipe that she could enjoy as well as cause her husband to close his eyes and sigh in utter euphoria with every bite. Then one day, just as she was starting to feel depressed from being ten pounds heavier, she finally did it. All of the sudden, the world made sense and those extra pounds were worth it. Her husband asked her to marry him all over again, and they lived happily ever after with lots of beautiful, chubby babies.

The End.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Thanksgiving coming up, and mashed potatoes being a must-have side dish, you don't need to look any further for a recipe that will make your friends and family be thankful for nothing else in life but you and your blessed potatoes.

Start by cutting up and boiling your potatoes.

I use red potatoes, and I keep the skins on, because it gives it some color and texture. But feel free to peel them and use gold or russet potatoes(But if you use russet, you'll definitely need to peel them.)

Boil them for 20-30 minutes, depending on the size that you cut them up.

They need to be fork-tender.

Once they're done, and drained, return them to the pot and add butter and heavy cream.

Add 1/4 to 1/2 stick of butter per pound of potatoes.

And about 1/4 to 1/3 cup heavy cream per pound.

It's all about eyeballing-it with mashed potatoes, so just go with your gut.

Meet your new best friends.

Steer clear of bland, boring potatoes by seasoning them liberally.

I figured that roughly 1/2 teaspoon each of salt, seasoned salt, and garlic powder, plus 1/4 teaspoon pepper per pound of potatoes, makes them wonderfully flavorful.

Then beat them to smithereens with an electric beater until fluffy and the potatoes form peaks. Adjust the amounts of cream, butter, and seasonings to taste.

Yes.

It's true.

Don't even deny it.

Add about 1/4 to 1/2 cup per pound of potatoes.

You won't regret it.

*Note: At this point, you could also add cheese, if you're into that sort of thing. Maybe some monterey jack? I'm sure it would be delicious.*

Spray or butter a baking dish and spread the potatoes in.

Cover with foil, and keep them warm in a 350 degree oven while the rest of your meal is cooking, or just 10-15 minutes to get them hot.

*Note: These can also be made earlier in the day and kept in the fridge. In that case, put them in the oven 45 minutes to an hour, stirring the potatoes every so often. Convenient for occasions like thanksgiving when you're preparing 157 different dishes.*

Serve with meatloaf, a juicy steak, or turkey and stuffing!

Even if you're not a mashed potato person, you'll love these.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creamy Dreamy Mashed Potatoes

*this recipe is meant for per pound of potatoes*

Ingredients

• Potatoes(red or gold recommended)
• Butter(approx. 2 to 4 TBLS)
• Heavy Cream (approx. 1/4 to 1/3 cup)
• Salt (approx. 1/2 teaspoon)
• Pepper (approx. 1/4 teaspoon)
• Seasoned Salt (approx. 1/2 teaspoon)
• Garlic Powder (approx. 1/2 teaspoon)
• Green Onions, chopped (approx. 1/4 to 1/2 cup)

Directions

1. Peel(optional), Cut up, and boil potatoes for 20-30 minutes. Must be fork-tender
2. Drain and return to pot
3. Add Butter, Cream, and Seasonings
4. Beat with electric beater until fluffy and peaks form
5. Adjust seasonings, cream, and butter if needed, and beat in green onion
6. Transfer to greased baking dish, cover with foil, and keep in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes.

The MOST Amazing Corn Chowder

This weekend it snowed for the first time this winter.

I love snow.

Love.

Which is convenient, since I married a man who wanted to raise a family in the polar ice caps (some people call it 'Minnesota'.)

It would have been inconvenient if I had married a man who wanted to raise a family in California or Mexico.

What am I saying? I definitely would NOT have married that man.

Plus, I kind of have this obsession with needing to constantly be drinking water, which is basically a death wish in mexico.

Now I'm thirsty.

I love water.

Which brings me back to loving snow.

Vienna had never seen snow before, so I was totally geeked out to bundle us up and watch her experience the magic.

But frankly, it was a little anticlimactic.

She seemed more confused than dazzled.

So much for that.

Nevertheless, it was still the perfect day to make Corn Chowder!

I have tried so many different recipes for Corn Chowder, I can't even count them. I was never totally satisfied with any of them, and then one day I threw caution to the wind, combined all of my favorite things about those recipes and came up with this. It was so delicious and superior to anything I had ever tried that it made me totally incapable of any conversation at dinner that didn't relate to how incredible it tasted.

I urge you to try it. I can guarantee that you will feel accomplished and satisfied once you do.

Start by peeling and cubing enough potatoes to make roughly 2 cups.

Boil them for 15-20 minutes, depending on how big the cubes are.

Once they're done, drain them.

Meanwhile, chop up 5-6 slices of gorgeous bacon in 1/2 to 1 inch pieces and fry it up.

While the bacon is frying, you can start dicing these beauties, starting with the onion.

When the bacon is done, transfer to a paper towel covered plate, using tongs or a slotted spoon.

Melt 4 tablespoons of butter in a big pot,over medium/high heat. Add your onions and saute for a couple of minutes.

Then add your bell peppers.

And then your can of corn.

There really isn't that much corn in this, considering its called "Corn Chowder".

I suppose you could call it "Potato Chowder", or even "Bacon Chowder" just as easily.

You can call it whatever you want, just as long as you make it as some point.

Once your stunning confetti vegetables have sauteed for a few minutes, stir in 1/4 cup flour.

Then slowly add 3 cups of chicken broth.

Let it thicken for a few minutes.

Then add 1 cup milk and 1 cup Half and Half.

Or you could just do 2 cups of Half and Half.

Or 1 cup Half and Half and 1 cup heavy cream.

Or 2 cups of heavy cream!

Or a pint of Ice Cream!

Or just screw the chowder and eat the Ice Cream!

Do whatever your heart tells you.

I don't judge.

Mmm.

Dairy makes life worth living.

(I'm having my family put that on my tombstone.)

Now it's time to add the temporarily neglected bacon and the potatoes.

It's their time to shine.

Lower the heat a bit and let simmer for 15 minutes.

And please don't be like me and use those 15 minutes to just stare at the chowder.

Go do some laundry or something, for pete's sake.

Then you can add 2 cups of grated cheese.

As I've pleaded before, pleeaaaase grate your own. Pre-grated cheese is covered in starch and just isn't as wonderful.

I used monterey jack, but cheddar or even pepper jack would be great.

Have I ever mentioned that I would marry green onions if I could?

Well, I would.

That fact is clearly important to this recipe.

Chop up about 1/3 to 1/2 cup and dump them in.

*Note: If you're going to freeze the remainder of the chowder, keep the green onions out, because they don't freeze well. Then add them when you're about to eat.*

Lastly, I probably put a teaspoon or two of thyme in, and few sprinkles of crushed bay leaves for flavor. Then season with salt and pepper to taste.

Pour a bowl for yourself and your loved ones, and enjoy the vibrant colors and the depth of flavor.

And then go eat that ice cream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The MOST Amazing Corn Chowder

Ingredients

2 cups peeled, cubed potatoes

1 onion,diced

4 tbls butter

2 bell peppers, diced (red and orange are good)

1 can(15.5 oz.) Corn

5-6 slices of bacon

3 cups chicken broth

1 cup milk

1 cup half+half

2 cups monterey jack cheese

1/4 cup flour

1/3 cup green onions

salt

pepper

thyme

crushed bay leaves

Directions

1. Boil the cubed potatoes for 15-20 minutes
2. Fry up the bacon, se aside on paper towel
3. Melt butter, saute onion, add bell peppers, then corn
4. Stir in flour
5. Add broth, let thicken for a few minutes
6. Add milk and half and half, turn down the heat a bit
7. Drain potatoes, add to chowder, along with Bacon
8. Let simmer for 15-20 minutes
9. Add cheese and green onion, season to taste