Super Dude

1.) He's super cool. 

Because he makes faces like this.

Obviously.

2.) He's super chill.

I am always so surprised at how little he gets phased by anything.

If I had a big sister who drooled on me, poked me in the eyes, tried to take off my pants, gagged me with her fingers, and sat on my face; all multiple times throughout any given day... I would cry a lot.

But he NEVER does.

What a good sport.

3.) He's super happy.

When he gets to look at anyone in the face who is looking at him, he is all sorts of adorable smiles. 

He pretty much just really appreciates any attention in general. And loves to talk when he knows and sees that someone is listening. 

Too stinkin' cute.

4.) He's super strong.

This kid was holding his huge head up when he came home from the hospital. 

He's a champ at tummy time and will keep himself propped up for like 15-20 minutes.

Oh,and he started rolling over at 6 weeks.

He'll probably be driving soon.

He's such a cool kid. We like him a lot.

Family Pictures 2012

Well this year was an interesting one, when it came to taking family pictures.

Our darling little angel has quite the mind of her own, so requiring her to willingly be apart of anyone else's plan at any given time is impossible a nightmare ...difficult.

This was our second, yes...second, photo shoot in an attempt to get a picture decent enough for a christmas card. 

The first of which involved our sweet friends coming over to take some, but we all got sick that weekend, so no matter how hard I tried to get us looking pretty and presentable, there was no such luck. I turned out looking like I had spent a few hours taking sandpaper to my nose, Luke looked totally drugged up (...oh wait, he was.), Vienna was glaring at the camera, and Boaz was just sleeping.

It was lovely.

So for our second go at it, we set up our camera and tripod in the living room and managed to get one that was slightly more close to decent than anything else we had gotten.

Ta Da!

Yeah...That's the best we got. 

And our children aren't even looking at the camera.

Oh well.

I came to terms with the whole thing and am happy with the way our card turned out.

Here are some of the other dazzling images that came out.

She's always gotta be all up in her in brother's business.

...Or eating something.

Like a glass ball off the tree.

Here I am trying to bribe her with something.

Probably the mini marshmallows I busted out at some point during this whole circus.

Yeah, I'm that mom.

Whatever, ok?

And here you can actually see the marshmallows up in the air after I tossed them, trying to get some sort of smile out of her.

Clearly, I'm a failure.

"Vienna?.... Can you please come back?"

"....Sweetie?..."

Here's Luke trying to seduce the camera with his 'Sexy Face' while I had to go get Vienna.

I almost didn't put it on here because I knew how difficult it would be for you to fight the attraction.

I'm sorry. 

I know it's hard.

Here's my lame attempt at a tickle fight gone horribly wrong.

(Did I already mention that I'm a failure?)

..So much so that she violently wrestled me to get down.

(If you want to feel appreciated and adored ALL DAY EVERY DAY, become a mother. It really fills that void.)

This one would have have been the next closest to something decent.

You know, except for the fact that we all look weird.

Ok well, we can't entirely blame Vienna for this one, can we?

We should be models.

More bribing at work.

This time it was a snow globe.

She threw it across the house a couple of times and then moved on.

Literally. She just went to her room.

Sometimes I'm so fabulous, I don't even know what to do with myself.

  Aw. At least she doesn't look like I'm abusing her in this one.

(It's really sad when that becomes your standard of a photographic success.)

Aaand she's leaving again.

Well that's us.

Merry Christmas from The Johnsons.

Just keepin' it real, folks.

Throwback Thursday

On Halloween, I kind of "dressed" Vienna up as a cat. 

But only for a total of about 15 minutes, before the eyeliner that I painted on her face quickly became one of the worst mistakes I have made to date.

It smeared all over her and multiple pieces of furniture that she face-planted in.

But I did get a couple low-quality, but still super cute, pictures before I was absolutely forced to drop the camera and get out the OxyClean.

That deep, husky laugh always just gets me.

I'm thinking that next Halloween will be a bit easier.

And less disastrous.

Hopefully.

Housewife Moment: How Vinegar Cleans My Microwave

One time I wrote about how and why I'm going to marry my AMAZING Swiffer WetJet someday.

And in continuum of me sharing the UTTERLY CAPTIVATING methods that make my life easier when it comes to taking care of my household, I decided that this one was worth passing on as well.

I stumbled on to this on Pinterest, but let me just say that I am usually/mostly/pretty much always wary of all the household/beauty/organization 'tips' that they have on there.

There just seems to be a current popularity in thinking the most common household items can and will SOLVE ALL OF THE WORLDS PROBLEMS.

"Have a termite infestation? Just fumigate your home with BAKING SODA!"

"Stop buying shampoo! Use DAWN DISH SOAP!"

"Next time you break your arm, don't waste your time at a hospital! Just soak it in HYDROGEN PEROXIDE!"

"Bacteria is a just a myth! Stop buying chemical products and clean your entire home with OATMEAL!"

Every time I see a Pin along these lines, I lose just a tiny bit more of my brain cells and will to live.

(And don't even get me started on how people convince themselves that they're saving money by doing all that nonsense.)

Anywho, saying all of that to say..while I was hesitant to try anything that had Vinegar in the title (since Vinegar is another culprit that can clean/fix/cure ANYTHING), I gave it a second thought because..

1.) Vinegar has always (long before Pinterest was around), to my knowledge, been the most efficient way to clean out coffee makers, so it's obviously not a complete fraud. And..

2.) I just really, ..really... hate cleaning out microwaves.

So I threw caution, and every intelligent fiber of my being, to the wind and went for it.

Here's how it goes:

On top of it's pre-existing filth, I microwaved a small bowl of pizza sauce for 3 minutes and let it work it's splattery magic, so that it would show up in these pictures.

Ta-DA!

Mmmm...YUMMMY.

I filled up my measuring cup (but you can use any microwave-safe bowl) up to the 1 Cup line with Vinegar.

Then filled it to the 2 Cup line with water.

Stick it in the microwave and nuke it for 10 minutes.

Your kitchen will smell like dyed easter eggs.

Or my kid's diaper, after she's eaten an entire box of Craisins.

Whichever way you want to look at it.

Once it's done, take the cup or bowl out with a towel or an oven mitt, because..Yes, you guessed it...IT WILL BE HOT.

And now is when you can feel the magic happen.

With a paper towel or sponge, WIPE it all clean.

People, I didn't have to scrub AT ALL. 

I barely even used any arm muscle!

(..which is actually kind of a shame since my sad arms could use some toning.)

Boom!

I just LOVE how easy that was.

(I took out the plate and cleaned it separately.)

This has saved me so much time and energy, and is one less thing in my house that I have to dread doing.

 So whether you're sitting here thinking 'Duh, Elise. I've always done it this way. Thanks a heap for wasting my time.', or you're suddenly inspired to do some therapeutic deep-cleaning...it's a great technique to use.

Now I'm gonna go grab my High-Priced, Whale-Killing Chemicals and clean my repulsive bathroom.

A Man And His Son

Check out these cute guys.

Here they are looking super cool.

Luke wearing his Chick-fil-A hoodie and Boaz wearing his Terrified Face.

And here they are wearing each others signature facial expressions!

Aww.

I'm getting all choked up..

Oh, but here they are showing off their good lookin' smiles.

(...Bo might just be pooping though.)

These two adore each other.

The Chronicles of Vienna's Hair: Volume XI

Little Miss Thing's hair has gotten so stinkin' long!

And as usual..it's all over the place.

But as of late, she's been rocking an adorable little messy bun, and will actually keep it in her hair.

(Which is nothing short of a great accomplishment on both our parts.)

Of course, the 'messy' part of this bun can mostly be credited to the continuous supply of "product" that she always makes sure to fashion her hair with.

For instance, today's 'Do was styled with cheerios, milk, banana, last night's pasta sauce, peanut butter, honey, soggy graham crackers, cheese and olive oil... for good measure.

(So in case you've run out of your BedHead or whatnot, now you know what to use in a pinch.)

(But if you're still confused about how exactly to do it all, I can pressure Vienna to get a hair tutorial done for YouTube or Pinterest.)

(I'm sure she'd be happy to.)

(She loves to inspire people.)

(Obviously.)

Oh, and check out these faux bangs she's got going on right now!

Pretty darling, right?

They definitely help her case when she's told me 'No' for the 157th time on any given day.

Sassy Pants...

The Proposal

3 years ago today, my smokin' hot husband asked me to marry him.

I was totally expecting it. 

Well, kind of.

 The week before it happened, we were making dinner at his apartment and he said to me "Hey, don't make any plans this weekend."

Um okay, ridiculously good looking boyfriend. I'm totally and pathetically in love with you and the way you take charge like that kinda makes me want to rip your clothes off, sooo... you can have anything you dang well please. Including my weekend. Whatever.

 I knew he was planning on proposing at some point and I also knew he was having a hard time keeping it a secret from me, because we were so used to telling each other everything, so I didn't ask too many questions. Just the important one.

"Sounds good." I said "What should I wear?"

Priorities, people. It's good to have them.

"Something nice, but warm." he answered. And the conversation was over.

For the next few days I scoured my closet for the perfect outfit. The outfit that I would wear when the man I adored popped the big question.

...But what on earth did 'Nice but Warm' mean?

Like, Cocktail Dress Nice?... Snowsuit Warm? ...How would that even work??

IT MADE NO SENSE.

So I went looking for advice. At the perfect place, of course...

BEAUTY SCHOOL.

But I was desperate. 

I asked a group of gals in my class, explaining my cluelessness about this HORRIBLY COMPLICATED Nice But Warm situation.

"You should get some black leggings and cut slits all over them, then wear them with leather boots and a sheer top!"

...Ok. This was not helping.

All I could do was stare at this girl like she had three heads.

What doesn't she understand about 'Nice', 'Warm', and 'Not like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman'? And did I really have to bother explaining that last part?

Whatever.

The weekend came and I eventually settled on an outfit involving a denim skirt, tights, and UGG's.

Not exactly making fashion history, considering how much I spazzed out over the whole thing. But it would work, just as well.

On saturday night I casually asked "So where are we going tomorrow?"

"Well, I figured we'd take a drive up to Estes Park, since we don't have anything else going on."

..Since we don't have anything else going on...?...

"Oh ok,that sounds fun." I replied "How long does it take to get up there?"

"Huh...I don't even know. I should probably check that."

As I watched the man of my dreams mumble to himself while searching through Google Maps, it hit me.

He is totally....not... going to propose! There is no way that THIS guy, Mr. On-Time-For-Everything, Detail-Oriented, Planner himself, would EVER hash out a proposal scheme without knowing, probably down to the minute, how long it would take him to get us somewhere. This is SO not happening tomorrow!

The next morning he picked me up and we headed up to the cold, snowy mountains.

While we enjoyed each others company just as much as we always did, the conversation wasn't exactly...flowing.

I was trying hard to not to be disappointed, or at least let my disappointment show.

Just because it's not happening today, doesn't mean it's never going to happen. I mean, we have a plan. We've had numerous conversations about our future, and I know that he wants to be with me. He's going to propose at some point. Pull yourself together! Ugh, but I was so wanting it to be today..

As we drove into the entrance of Rocky Mountain National Park, he interrupted my pitty party, "What are you thinking about?" 

"Uhh... Moose!" I randomly pulled out of thin air. Really. Moose? Way to go, Elise. "...I've never seen one up close. It'd be cool to spot one today. What are you thinking about?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

Great. This was really getting romantic.

After we found a little rest area and used their charming facilities, we continued the beautiful and picturesque drive we were on.

A couple minutes later, we pulled up to an overlook. We got out of his truck and he said he wanted to show me the view from the top of the rock formation.

I started climbing ahead of him and quickly became preoccupied with the concern that this whole skirt/tights combination was not working out in my favor. 

I'm totally going to moon him (so much for not looking like a Hooker), then he's going to tease me about it, and when I quickly try to cover up, I'll slip on this icy rock and plummet to my death. Fantastic. 

But I made it to the top, somehow managing to keep all of my business appropriately covered up, and I was instantly dumbfounded. 

The view was nothing short of majestic. A sea of hundreds of glorious evergreen trees covered in white, with the still and silent snowflakes gradually descending down on them. Like a choir soundlessly singing it's own song of God's perfection.

"This is my absolute favorite spot on earth." Luke said from behind me.

I turned around and my heart skipped a beat as I watched him getting down on one knee. 

OH MY GOSH.

He pulled the most beautiful, intricate ring I had ever seen out of his pocket and asked "Elise, will you be my wife?"

I was already laughing, crying, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him before I exclaimed "Yes!"

I took off my left glove, and he slipped the ring onto my finger. A perfect fit.

I tried as hard as I could to focus on his smiling face, but Holy Crap, this ring was just so SPARKLY!

We sat down up there and he got out his bible (which he had apparently brought up with him).

"I want to read you the story of the first marriage and then pray for us."

Of course you want to do that. Because you're annoyingly perfect. And you love Jesus. Which is so hot. And oh my gosh this ring is SO SHINY!

He read out of Genesis, and then prayed for us. For our engagement, our marriage, and our life together. It was a moment I would cherish always.

When he was done, I all of the sudden remembered something "Wait, Did you ask my Dad for his blessing? Did he say 'yes'??"

"Yeah, about that.. I have a funny story for you."

He started explaining that 5 days earlier he had an "appointment" for a conversation with my Dad. A conversation that was assumed, by everyone who knew about it, would be over the phone, since my parents live in California and we lived in Colorado. But much to my family's surprise, when 6pm monday evening finally rolled around, instead of a phone ringing, they got a knock at their door. It was Luke. He had flown all the way to California, only staying for a few hours, just so he could ask for my hand in marriage, in person. And then right after having a good and thorough conversation with my Dad, Luke drove his rental car back to the airport, leaving with the blessing he came for.

I stared at him with my jaw dropped as he told me all of this. I threw my arms around him again and kissed him some more.

"Thank you." I whispered in his ear, blinking back tears.

I can't believe he would do all of this for me. I don't deserve anyone this honorable. This Hero, who treats me like.. I'm worth it. 

There was God's abundant grace in my life. He was giving me to a godly man who would protect and fight for me as long he lived, which was nothing short of an act of mercy. And that day, I was sure of that.

We eventually climbed down from the overlook, and because my new fiance was the ALWAYS PREPARED type, he got out his camera and tripod,and we took a couple pictures to commemorate the occasion.

We spent the rest of the day calling our family, making wedding plans, celebrating with our friends at church, and STARING AT MY GORGEOUS RING. 

(But that was probably just me.)

It was a blissful day. 

And is one of the many, many reasons that the man who I married is so smokin' hot.

These Scars Of Mine

These scars of mine,

they're ugly.

It's easy to want to wish them away.

To wish they hadn't happened to me.

We used to have these lovely bodies.

Firm, smooth, maybe even picturesque.

And then we grow our families,

and our skin grows and stretches and changes with it.

"Haven't I sacrificed enough?"

I've secretly and self-righteously asked in my mind.

Our time, our hobbies, our sleep, our freedom.

They've all been surrendered to this blessed job we do.

"Can't I just keep this one part of myself?"

But then I think of all the loss.

The miscarriages. The infertility.

The women who weep and mourn,

and would give everything and anything for a living reason 

to have some scars of their own.

And suddenly my fleeting moments of self-pitty,

feel arrogant and cruel.

They may not be pretty by anyone's standards,

but now I wear them thankfully.

Because these scars of mine, 

they're proof.

That these beautiful little people,

they happened to me.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? My Boobs.

Last week Luke and I took the kids over to our friend's (who happens to be a Pastor at our church) house for dinner.

Our friends daughter, who is 4 years old, is ALL ABOUT breastfeeding.

She "nurses" her baby doll multiple times a day, even uses a nursing cover, and probably knows more about the in's and out's of lactation than I do.

She's adorable, brilliant, and absolutely terrifying.

(Only because she's so smart.)

(And she pays close attention to everything I say.)

(Which children between the ages of 3 and 10 generally shouldn't.)

(Because I get really weird and nervous around people that I can't say 'crap' in front of.)

(And then I get phone calls from parents.)

(Whatever.)


Anyway, we were at their house, all sitting around the table, eating.
My little girlfriend is asking me all sorts of questions, telling me what her baby is up to these days, and how our babies are, like, sooooo alike.

You know, typical chit-chat between moms.

All the while I'm holding Boaz,when he starts getting a bit fussy. So I give him his pacifier.

This causes our friends daughter to sit straight up in her chair and loudly exclaim "I BET HE WANTS YOUR NIPPLE NOW, HUH?!"

Oh. My. Gosh.

Everyone at the table starts laughing hysterically.

That just happened.

My nipple was actually just talked about over dinner.

In someone else's home.

My PASTOR'S home, no less.

IN FRONT OF THEIR PRE-TEEN SONS!

I laughed with everyone, trying as hard as I could to keep the shade of my face as far from bright crimson as possible.

I mean... whatever, right?

It's just breastfeeding. It's all good and natural..


.
..and horribly awkward.



I suppose at this point, I can just be thankful that no parts of my anatomy have been referenced in a sermon yet.

Or in the church newsletter for that matter.

Thanks be to God.

     

Vienna's Christmas Presents

Vienna's second christmas is coming up, and unlike last year when she only had the mental capacity and motor function to sit on the floor and eat tissue paper, she is now finally getting into that fun stage of being able to enjoy presents. 

Here's a sneak peek for you at what we got for her:

BABY DELUXE SET!

(whatever that means.)

Ok, as seriously creepy as baby dolls generally are, I find that pictures of the dolls themselves are even worse.

(Like this one.)

*shutter*

Anywho, my pretty little princess has been becoming all sorts of maternal lately.

She has a raggedy, old, (and naked) baby doll who somehow made it's way into our blessed home that she's been "taking care of" for the past few months.

She gives the baby hugs.

She lovingly shoves pacifyers in the baby's face.

She beats the baby's back senseless, thus ridding it of any burps it might have had lodged in there, causing discomfort to the poor dear.

She changes the baby's diaper. 

(Which actually just means that she throws the doll and one of Bo's old diapers on my lap while I'm busy doing something and screeches loudly with urgency and panic until I put it on for her.)

And she sucks the baby's boogers out with the nasal aspirator.

The mixture of sincerity, love, and sheer violence that goes into her care brings warmth to my heart.

So this little set will help further the development of these precious nurturing instincts.

Oh and it was only 15 bucks! Major bonus.

Ok...I realize this looks bad.

But christmas just isn't christmas without some good old-fashioned child labor!

(Kidding.)

But seriously, this girl is obsessed with my broom.

Which is... pretty gross.

I mean, it sweeps up dirt. 

And all of the food that she's chewed up, spit out, and thrown onto the floor from her high chair.

You know, when she's in the mood to eat something else..and remind me that I'm her slave. 

And a complete failure at life, apparently.

*sigh* 

ANYWAY, I think she's going to love having her own mini broom and dust pan that she can "help" me clean with.

Wow.

Would you like a side of PINK, with ALL OF THAT PINK?

These are the little stocking stuffers I got her.

I found the necklace and tiara in the dollar section section at Michael's.

The rubber ducky was 50 cents at MY FAVORITE PLACE EVER.

(Wal-Mart.)

And just for kicks I got her another sippy cup, but the kind with a straw, since she just looooves them straws.

And that's it.

Do you think she's spoiled enough? Should I maybe throw an ipod in there for good measure?

Wouldn't want her christmas to get too Oliver Twist or anything...

Jumbles

I have been the worst at blogging lately.

Partially because Thanksgiving came and went, which we hosted some family for, in addition to making the whole feast. It turned out delish. I really should have blogged about it.

(I'm putting that on my list of regrets to bust out and grace everyone with on my deathbed.)

And then partially because we've been renovating our bedroom. 

Which is a HUGE project, that we didn't really prepare for well... at all.

We might end up writing a book titled 'What NOT To Do During A Home Renovation'.

With chapters about not covering any of your furniture prior to sanding down walls and how much I passionately loathe plaster dust.

Anywho, once it's all done and pretty, I'll do a fun post with Before and After pictures.

And THEN partially because we all got hit with the plague, that is going on it's second week now.

If you'd like to hear the chorus of all of us hocking up our never-ending stores of phlegm ...please, do come over!

AND THEN partially because I've started Instagram-ing. (That's a verb now, right?) 

A few weeks ago, I began using Luke's old iphone, not actually as a functional cell phone, but for everything else that's it's good for.

Including, but not limited to, taking DOZENS AND DOZENS of pictures throughout my days of my kids, my food, my wine, my house, my grass, my pieces of dust, my neighbors pets, ANYTHING THAT I CAN FIND TO POST ON THE INSTAGRAM.

So because I've got this new app/hobby/obsession/crutch, it's kept me from taking real pictures with a real camera and posting them on this here blog.

(Sorry.)

AND THEN PARTIALLY (last one, I promise) because recently my sad, flabby, and non-existent abs have been loudly expressing their feelings about how they're tired of being so sad and flabby and non-existent.

So I've been working on that.

There are protein shakes, embarrassing work-out videos, and a severe and heinous lack of cookies involved.

Which can be a nice transition into what I'm actually here to flippin' write about.

Jumbles are a delicious and weirdly named snack that happen to be healthy and super easy to make.

Growing up, my mom would make these for us and it usually just annoyed me that she decided to make these instead of cookies. 

Really, Mom?? There's not even chocolate in them! UGH.

But now that I'm an adult and a mother myself, I can very much appreciate and enjoy them.

(Oh em gee.. I have, like, soooo matured.)

The ingredients are simply oats, ripe bananas, oil, dates, raisins, vanilla, and salt (not pictured, because I'm a dweeb).

Mash the bananas up, add the remaining ingredients, and let the mixture sit for 15-30 minutes. 

This helps soften the dates and the oats to absorb all the banana-y goodness.

Drop spoonfuls of the mixture (it will be loose, not like a dough) onto a cookie sheet and bake in a 375 degree oven for 12-ish minutes.

Transfer onto a cooling rack and let them...well, cool.

These are such a great snack for yourself and/or your family, and in spite of the brat that I was, I'm sure your kids will love them.

They're a great pick-me-up carb and are gluten, dairy, and sugar free! 

Ok, now I just sound like a boring health nut, so I'll just stop there.

And go make myself a salad.

*sigh*

Jumbles

Ingredients

• 3 cups oats
• 4 ripe bananas
• 1/2 cup of oil
• 1/2 cup of raisins
• 1/2 chopped dates
• 1 tsp vanilla
• dash of salt

Directions

• Mash Bananas in large bowl
• Add remaining ingredients and mix well
• Let sit for 15-30 minutes
• Drop spoonfulls of mixture on greased baking sheet
• Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes.